Stuck

I have freedom, but no where to go.
I have a heart that is open and loving but is crushed by insensitive words and actions.


I want to be a person I am not.
True identity has not been taught.
Living in a self, disrupted by grief.
Tears are my only relief.
The potential I see in others, I don't see for myself.
I portray a certain image of having it all put together.
Inside I am hiding, always hiding...but hopefully not forever.

Confidence eludes me.
True love runs from me.
Give, Give, Give....but not to myself.
Love, Love, Love....but not in return.
Feeling sick and out of breath.
Needing a revelation before there is death.
Being pulled back, controlled---please set me free!
I so desperately want to be me.

Written by: R. Luka 10/21/05

*Quest*ions?

How do purpose, love, fulfillment, and balance fit into *life*?
Can we rise above what has happened in the past and what is biological?
Through mistakes, lost opportunities, and lost loves…how do we cope?
Do we secretly wish for death to visit us soon?
Or do we pretend that all is well and continue to shove ourselves in the deep hole that is denial?
Whose pain is deepest?
Whose soul has cried out to the heavens in anguish?
Whose body has been ravaged by years of hurt, habit, and hate of self; hidden of all recognizable bodily form, left only as an obtuse figure, crying and vulnerable—full of despair?
Who can bear such burden?
Who can lighten the load?
Who can make us new again?
Who can save us of this misery?

God.


Written by: R. Luka 10/18/05

Never Be Afraid To Be Yourself

I deserve to see the blessing in the pain.
I deserve to see the gain in the loss.
To see the joy in the sadness; the acceptance amist the grief is one way to survive.

I never knew life, or appreciated loss, until I experienced death.
I've never cried and let it vibrate; shake throughout my whole being as I just lie there, gasping for breath.
I've never screamed so vehemously, to where my voice echoed in my head and my throat was raw before.

I deserve to turn this great big negative into a great big positive.
This is my goal for today.
This is my goal for the rest of my life.
This is what I deserve.

Written by: Ruthie D. 5/1/02

Life

"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."